{"id":75291,"date":"2024-01-23T20:00:00","date_gmt":"2024-01-23T18:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/buletin.de\/bucuresti\/?p=75291"},"modified":"2024-01-24T10:53:45","modified_gmt":"2024-01-24T08:53:45","slug":"aventurile-boierului-cu-centrala-de-apartament-si-meseriasul-de-100-de-lei-constatarea","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/buletin.de\/bucuresti\/aventurile-boierului-cu-centrala-de-apartament-si-meseriasul-de-100-de-lei-constatarea\/","title":{"rendered":"Aventurile \u201eboierului\u201c cu central\u0103 de apartament \u0219i meseria\u0219ul de 100 de lei constatarea"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Cum d\u0103 frigul, centrala mea termic\u0103 \u00eencepe s\u0103 fac\u0103 figuri. A naibii ma\u0219in\u0103rie, st\u0103 pe balcon \u0219i parc\u0103 scoate un deget prin perete \u2013 \u0219ti\u021bi, tubul \u0103la care iese afar\u0103 \u2013, dup\u0103 ce \u0219i l-a \u00eenmuiat \u00een pomp\u0103, ca s\u0103 simt\u0103 cum e vremea. \u0218i c\u00e2nd e destul de rece, ceea ce acum nu se mai \u00eent\u00e2mpl\u0103 dec\u00e2t \u00een anumite zile din iarn\u0103, \u00eencepe s\u0103 dea rateuri. Stau sub du\u0219, m\u0103 r\u0103sf\u0103\u021b cu ap\u0103 cald\u0103, frem\u0103t\u00e2nd \u00een a\u0219teptarea momentului Liiceanu, adic\u0103 datul cu creme pe corp, c\u00e2nd nenorocita brusc \u00eentrerupe apa cald\u0103 \u0219i m\u0103 face s\u0103 tresar sub jetul ca ghea\u021ba. Trebuie s\u0103 stau un timp cu du\u0219ul \u00eendreptat spre perete p\u00e2n\u0103 revine apa cald\u0103. Iar m\u0103 sp\u0103l, iar se r\u0103ce\u0219te. Iar a\u0219tept, iar vine, iar se \u00eentrerupe, <\/strong>scrie ziaristul Viorel Ili\u0219oi pe blogul personal.<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Vara nu face a\u0219a. Numai c\u00e2nd e frig. Acum vreo doi ani a \u00eenceput s-o fac\u0103 pe nebuna prin octombrie. Am chemat un meseria\u0219 \u0219i \u0103la, nici una, nici dou\u0103, i-a schimbat placa de baz\u0103. C\u0103 \u0219i la fier\u0103taniile astea, ca \u0219i la computere, baza e \u00een pl\u0103ci. Pac 450 de lei! Constatare, manoper\u0103, plac\u0103. Numai c\u0103 a doua zi blestemata f\u0103cea la fel, h\u00e2\u021ba-f\u00e2\u021ba \u00eentre cald \u0219i rece. Un fel de spa\u021biu mioritic, vale-deal, deal-vale, mutat \u00een baie \u0219i tradus \u00een grade Celsius.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A venit iar meseria\u0219ul \u0219i, cinstit, a scos placa nou\u0103, a pus-o la loc pe cea veche \u0219i mi-a \u00eenapoiat banii \u2013 mai pu\u021bin 100 de lei, constatarea.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Poftim? Adic\u0103 el ia 100 de lei doar pentru c\u0103 se uit\u0103 ca s\u0103 \u0219tie ce are de f\u0103cut? Evident c\u0103 \u00eent\u00e2i trebuie s\u0103 consta\u021bi care-i hiba, apoi s-o repari. De ce s\u0103 separi momentele astea? Cum ar fi s\u0103 spun\u0103: uite, domnule poet, fiindc\u0103 scoate\u021bi ni\u0219te tiraje de toat\u0103 jalea, pentru dumneavoastr\u0103 voi repara centrala f\u0103r\u0103 constatare. \u0218i se apuc\u0103 s\u0103 \u00eenlocuiasc\u0103 piese la \u00eent\u00e2mplare. Sau cum? Te duci la medic \u0219i zici:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2013 M\u0103 doare m\u0103seaua.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Iar doctorul, s\u0103rind peste constatare, c\u0103 nu se bazeaz\u0103 el pe spusele unui profan, \u00eencepe s\u0103-\u021bi pun\u0103 piciorul \u00een ghips. \u0218i pe urm\u0103 tot urc\u0103 p\u00e2n\u0103 la cap, repar\u00e2nd peste tot c\u00e2te ceva.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sau cum ar fi s\u0103 corectez eu o carte, la editur\u0103, f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 m\u0103 uit \u00eent\u00e2i unde-s gre\u0219elile. O iau a\u0219a, de la un cap\u0103t, ca la pr\u0103\u0219it, \u0219i-i dau \u00eenainte pun\u00e2nd sau t\u0103ind litere pe unde se nimere\u0219te p\u00e2n\u0103 la ultima pagin\u0103? M\u0103 doare capul numai c\u00e2nd m\u0103 g\u00e2ndesc.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00cen fine, a constatat omul ce a constatat, de 100 de lei, nu de mai mult,  a pus placa veche la loc \u2013 noroc c\u0103 o p\u0103strasem, c\u0103 n-am \u0219tiut unde se arunc\u0103 pl\u0103cile de baz\u0103, nici la h\u00e2rtie, nici la metal, nici la plastic! \u2013 \u0219i a schimbat de data asta numai un senzor de c\u0103ldur\u0103. Cic\u0103 \u0103sta, senzorul, sesiza aiurea c\u0103 s-a \u00eencins prea tare centrala \u0219i oprea focul, ca s\u0103 nu explodeze com\u00e9dia. O secund\u0103 oprea flac\u0103ra. \u0218i o repornea. Suficient c\u00e2t s\u0103 vin\u0103 ap\u0103 rece pe \u021beav\u0103, adic\u0103 pe pielea mea. Serios, asta e o treab\u0103 tare nepl\u0103cut\u0103, ca \u0219i cum te-ar \u00eentrerupe cineva din c\u00e2nd \u00een c\u00e2nd \u00een timpul unei partide de sex.<\/p>\n\n\n

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Centrala \u201econstatat\u0103\u201c. FOTO: Viorel Ili\u0219oi<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

Nu \u0219tiu cum am ajuns la compara\u021bia asta. Constat c\u0103, vorbind despre centrala termic\u0103, dau \u00een nostalgie, \u00eemi amintesc de vremea c\u00e2nd f\u0103ceam a\u0219a ceva ne\u00eentrerupt. Nu \u00een sensul de \u00eencontinuu, ci f\u0103r\u0103 interven\u021bii externe, f\u0103r\u0103 \u00eentreruperi. Constat doar. \u0218i mai constat c\u0103, pornind de la o central\u0103 termic\u0103 rablagit\u0103, po\u021bi ajunge s\u0103 vorbe\u0219ti despre orice. Uite c\u0103 eu pot s\u0103 constat ceva f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 c\u00e2\u0219tig 100 de lei. Dar eu nu-s meseria\u0219. Mai ales c\u00e2nd vine vorba de sex.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A \u00eenlocuit senzorul, pac 250 de lei! \u0218i a plecat. Dar dup\u0103 aceea animala f\u0103cea la fel! Cald-rece, rece-cald. Zici c\u0103 jucam de unul singur jocul \u0103la sub du\u0219, c\u0103utam ceva prin cad\u0103 \u0219i nu g\u0103seam. Iar l-am chemat pe meseria\u0219. I-am zis:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2013 V\u0103 rog s\u0103 nu mai constata\u021bi, v\u0103 spun eu ce are.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2013 Nu se poate, mi-a zis el calm. Nu ne putem baza pe poe\u021bi.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ce s\u0103 zic, \u00een orice fel ar fi spus-o, avea dreptate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2013 Parc\u0103 Platon a zis asta, nu?, <\/em>am \u00eentrebat nesigur pe mine. <\/em>C\u0103 n-ar vrea s\u0103 tr\u0103iasc\u0103 \u00eentr-o cetate condus\u0103 de poe\u021bi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2013 Bine\u00een\u021beles<\/em>, a r\u0103spuns meseria\u0219ul.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ia te uit\u0103, domnule! Omul a citit! A constatat! C\u0103 el de c\u00e2te ori constat\u0103, are o senza\u021bie de pl\u0103cere, nu ca mine, care de cele mai multe ori constat la modul frigid, f\u0103r\u0103 furnic\u0103turi, f\u0103r\u0103 fluturi \u00een stomac sau alte vr\u0103jeli din astea.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A scos el ni\u0219te aparate \u0219mechere din diplomat \u0219i a \u00eenceput s\u0103 m\u0103soare tot felul de chestii la neast\u00e2mp\u0103rata mea central\u0103: voltajul, amperajul, puterea, noxele, curentul de aer, circuitele, pompa, termostatul, aia, aia. Nici nu \u0219tiam c\u0103 \u00eencap at\u00e2tea \u00eentr-o cutie de tabl\u0103. \u0218i cic\u0103 a constatat c\u0103 toate erau ok. Deci a scos senzorul nou, l-a pus la loc pe cel vechi. \u0218i a \u00eenceput s\u0103 se scarpine \u00een cap.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00cemi luase 300 de lei, trei constat\u0103ri, doar ca s\u0103 ajung\u0103 s\u0103-\u0219i frece freza pe banii mei? Nu. A\u0219a cugeta el: sc\u0103rpin\u00e2ndu-se \u00een cap. \u0218ti\u021bi, stau neuronii tol\u0103ni\u021bi \u00een supa lor cefalorahidian\u0103, nici la basc\u0103 nu-i doare, \u0219i c\u00e2nd aud fo\u0219g\u0103it de degete \u00een tavan, adic\u0103 \u00een moalele capului, deodat\u0103 se ridic\u0103 to\u021bi strig\u00e2nd: hai, b\u0103ie\u021bi, de\u0219teptarea, s\u0103 g\u00e2ndim un pic pentru boss, c\u0103-i la ananghie, s\u0103-i furniz\u0103m ceva idei, c\u0103 altfel nu prea ne deranjeaz\u0103, nici m\u0103car la constat\u0103ri, care-s numai de form\u0103. \u0218i brusc alimentat de fream\u0103tul chimic al neuronilor, meseria\u0219ul se lumineaz\u0103 la fa\u021b\u0103 \u0219i zice:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2013 A\u021bi fost plecat mai mult timp de-acas\u0103?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

M-am uitat lung la d\u00e2nsul. Ce-o fi vr\u00e2nd \u0103sta de la mine? Na, s\u0103 vezi c\u0103 nu-i depanator, e ho\u021b. Vrea s\u0103 capete informa\u021bii, chite\u0219te s\u0103-mi fure c\u0103r\u021bile c\u00e2nd n-oi fi acas\u0103, adic\u0103 la editur\u0103, mai ales \u201eDincolo de perete\u201d<\/a>, de Radu P\u0103rp\u0103u\u021b\u0103, \u0219i \u201eCrim\u0103 la Petit H\u00f4tel\u201d<\/a>, de Irina Munteanu, c\u0103 pe ale mele nu se bate lumea. N-are mecl\u0103 de sp\u0103rg\u0103tor, dar poate d\u0103 pontul cuiva: b\u0103ie\u021bi, \u0103sta are multe c\u0103r\u021bi pe hol, hali\u021bi-i-le!; centrala l\u0103sa\u021bi-i-o, c\u0103 e o rabl\u0103. Serios, nu glumesc. De la un meseria\u0219 care-\u021bi d\u0103 citate din Platon te po\u021bi a\u0219tepta s\u0103-\u021bi \u0219uteasc\u0103 ni\u0219te c\u0103r\u021bi, nu?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2013 Da, zic cu jum\u0103tate de gur\u0103, ne\u00een\u021beleg\u00e2nd unde bate sc\u0103rpin\u0103torul, un pic, a\u0219a\u2026 am sc\u0103ldat-o eu ca \u021b\u0103ranul \u00eentrebat dac\u0103 are SIDA\u2026 Vreo s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2n\u0103.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2013 Hm\u2026 <\/em>ofteaz\u0103 el \u00een\u021belept.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u0218i \u00eencepe s\u0103 demonteze iar centrala. Se uit\u0103 pe ici, pe colo, cioc\u0103ne\u0219te, pip\u0103ie, sufl\u0103, ascult\u0103, p\u00e2n\u0103 la urm\u0103 scoate \u021beava aia din perete, se holbeaz\u0103 \u00een ea \u0219i strig\u0103 victorios:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2013 Ahaaa! Am g\u0103sit, asta e! <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Cite\u0219te continuarea pe viorelilisoi.ro<\/strong><\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

*Grafic\u0103 realizat\u0103 de generatorul DALL-E, un program de inteligen\u021b\u0103 artificial\u0103 care creeaz\u0103 imagini din texte cu descrieri.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

CITE\u0218TE \u0218I:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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EDITORIAL | Fisura \u201evoin\u021bei\u201c din fuziunea Termoenergetica-ELCEN: Nicu\u0219or Dan \u0219i pixul lui Sebastian Burduja<\/a><\/blockquote>